A Fred. Yeah, I know you’ve seen him.
The guy who looks like he just stepped out of a bike shop catalog, and then proceeds to push his $10k bike like a kid showing off his new toy, only to blow up halfway up a hill.
You can hear him wheezing as you pass by with your rusted-out hybrid.
Funny, isn’t it?
We all know the Fred, but do we really get him?
We’re about to dive in, and if you don’t like it, well, go tell your buddies on Strava.
You know, the ones who are 10 minutes late to the group ride because they’re taking their sweet time adjusting their $200 jersey.
1. What’s a Fred, Anyway?
Let’s get it straight first: “Fred” isn’t a term of endearment. It’s not for the unassuming, down-to-earth cyclist just getting into the game.
No. Fred’s the guy who shows up with a slick bike that probably costs more than your annual rent, wearing a kit that’s more about the logo than the functionality.
He’s not necessarily bad at cycling, but he sure as hell thinks he’s the king of the road, and it doesn’t matter if he’s gasping for air five minutes in.
This guy will tell you about his watts, but ask him about his actual training, and suddenly he’s got a date with the sofa.
2. More Money, Less Sense
Fred’s wallet is thicker than his legs.
It’s the guy who’s spent $500 on pedals but can’t hold a line in a group ride.
Or worse—he’s the guy who bought a power meter to “improve” his ride and still doesn’t know how to pace himself.
It’s all about the bling for Fred, not about the ride.
Throw money at a problem, and voilà, problem solved.
But doesn’t that sound like every amateur cyclist?
They talk about the gear like it’s going to solve all their problems.
But when they’re pulling up on a steep climb, struggling to stay attached to the group, the only thing that’s fast is their ability to get dropped.
3. Dressing the Part, But Not Playing the Part
Let’s talk about the clothes.
Fred’s kit is so fancy it might as well be made from the finest French silk—Rapha, Castelli, all the high-end brands.
But these expensive clothes won’t help you ride any faster if you don’t know how to actually ride.
It’s the same as buying the most expensive sneakers and thinking you’re automatically Michael Jordan.
You think the world sees you as a badass, but everyone just sees someone who’s trying too hard.
There’s a lot of Fred in the cycling world who thinks they’re out there in the Tour de France, but really, they’re just out there trying to look like they belong.
4. The Ego: Blowing Harder Than the Wind
Fred’s ego is almost as inflated as his tires.
He’s the guy who’ll overtake you on the bike path at top speed, just to cut you off and then immediately blow up when he realizes he can’t actually ride at that pace.
He’s also the one who talks about his FTP (Functional Threshold Power, for the uninitiated) as if it’s a personal achievement, when really, it’s just a number that means nothing to the people who actually care about riding and not talking.
But sure, Fred—keep talking. We’re all here to listen.
5. The Fred and the Group Ride
You know how it goes.
Fred shows up on a group ride with his luxurious bike, all aero and sleek.
He thinks he’s going to be the hero, the leader. But instead, he becomes the punchline.
The minute things pick up, he’s pulling off, looking for a way to peel out. A few pedal strokes in, he realizes he has no business being at the front and fades into the back, all while trying to look like he’s just “taking it easy.”
We all know the Fred who thinks just showing up is half the battle, but in cycling, it’s a full-body workout to keep your mouth shut and your wheels spinning.
6. The Fitness Non-Contender
Is Fred fit? Maybe. He’s got the gear, after all. But fitness isn’t just about having a race bike with carbon this and carbon that. It’s about having the legs to back it up, and Fred’s legs are mostly about posing for Instagram. He’ll brag about his power output, but when it comes to doing the real work, he’ll make an excuse to skip the harder rides. Not all Freds are slow, but the ones that are just buy more gear to hide it. Let’s be honest—Fred’s fitness doesn’t have anything to do with the gear. He doesn’t train harder, he just spends more.
7. The Fred in the Wild
What about when Fred isn’t in a controlled setting, like a race or a group ride?
Picture this: a mixed-use path, a day like any other, and here comes Fred, whizzing by, way too close, with no warning.
He’ll give you that half-hearted wave as he zooms past, like he’s some sort of elite athlete.
You know, the type who causes crashes because he’s too busy showing off to notice there’s a jogger in front of him.
He’s so busy with his watts, his new wheels, his titanium frame that he forgot to check if he knows how to actually ride safely.
That’s a Fred for you—full of bravado, but short on real-world skills.
8. The Ultimate Fred: The Guy Who Thinks He’s Above It All
The worst kind of Fred isn’t just about wearing the wrong kit or pushing too hard on a flat section.
It’s the one who believes his gear and bike elevate him above everyone else.
When Fred sees someone on a cheaper bike, he might sneer, muttering about how they’re “just a recreational rider.”
But he doesn’t realize that the true beauty of cycling isn’t the bling—it’s about the ride.
It’s about why you ride, not what you ride.
A Fred, In the End, Is Just a Reflection
Fred’s the guy who spends his weekends chasing a dream he doesn’t know how to catch, in the form of a perfectly matched kit and a $7k bike.
But at the end of the day, what does Fred have? Not much.
Maybe some Instagram followers who think his bike is fast because it’s expensive.
But Fred doesn’t care. He’s too busy counting his watts to notice the true measure of a cyclist.
You don’t need all that crap to enjoy cycling, to feel the wind in your face and the sun on your back. Fred’s out there, but he’s missing the point.
And as for you?
You can either ride your bike with pride and purpose, or you can be Fred, struggling to keep up, chasing numbers, looking like a pro while still being just a guy trying too hard.
Which one will it be?
Table 1: Characteristics of a Fred vs. a Casual Cyclist
| Characteristic | Fred | Casual Cyclist |
|---|---|---|
| Gear Quality | Expensive, high-end | Practical, affordable |
| Fitness Level | Varies, often inflated ego | Moderate, realistic goals |
| Attitude Towards Others | Competitive, sometimes arrogant | Enjoys the ride, friendly |
| Focus During Rides | Power numbers, speed | Fun, exploration, fitness |
| Group Ride Behavior | Tries to lead, then drops out | Participates without pressure |
Table 2: Common Fred Complaints vs. Real Cyclist Insights
| Complaint | Fred’s Complaint | Real Cyclist Insight |
|---|---|---|
| Equipment Overload | “I need the latest gear to be fast” | “It’s about riding, not what you’re riding” |
| Race Day Expectations | “I’m going to crush this race!” | “Just enjoy the experience” |
| Social Media Focus | “Check out my new bike!” | “Let’s go for a ride, no cameras” |
| Bike and Gear Knowledge | “I’ve got the most expensive bike!” | “It’s not about the price tag, it’s about the ride” |
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