You Can Slap Slick Tires on a Pig, But It’s Still a Pig

You want speed. Efficiency. A taste of that smooth, wind-cutting glory that road bikes bring. But you’re stuck with a mountain bike. You think, maybe, just maybe, if I tweak it right…

Bad news, pal.

You can put slick tires on a mountain bike. You can slap on aero bars, slam the stem, and shave your damn legs.

But at the end of the day, it’s still a mountain bike. It’s built for trails, for dirt, for smashing over rocks like a two-wheeled bulldozer.

You’re trying to turn a workhorse into a racehorse. It’s cute. It’s tragic. It’s doomed.

But hey, you’re stubborn. So let’s go through the 7 ways you can make your MTB more road-friendly—and why it still won’t ever be the same as a real road bike.

1. Tires: The Gateway Drug to Disappointment

Your knobby, trail-loving tires are like hiking boots.

Great for dirt, terrible for pavement. Swapping them for slick or semi-slick tires helps a bit. Less rolling resistance, less buzz, more speed.

But even with the smoothest tires, you’re still dragging around a heavier frame, a wide-ass stance, and geometry that fights efficiency.

MTB Tire Type	Rolling Resistance (Watts at 30kph)
Knobby Trail Tires	35-50W
Semi-Slick Tires	20-30W
Full Slick Road Tires	10-15W

Yes, you’ll go faster. But no, you won’t keep up with roadies unless they’re riding with one leg.

2. Aerobars: The “WTF” Add-On

You slap on aerobars. Now you look like a time-trialist who took a wrong turn into the woods.

Sure, getting low helps with aerodynamics, but the real problem is your frame’s geometry.

MTB handlebars are wide for control, not speed. Your riding position is upright. You’re fighting the wind like a human parachute.

You could cut your bars down. You could slam your stem. But at this point, you might as well just get a different bike.

3. Gearing: Spinning Out and Giving Up

MTBs are geared for climbing mountains, not hammering flats at 40kph. Your tiny front chainring (probably 30-36T) means you’ll spin out fast. You could swap it for a bigger one (44-48T), but then your rear cassette might not play nice.

And if you don’t change anything? Enjoy watching road bikes disappear over the horizon while you pedal like a cartoon character.

Drivetrain Type	Max Speed Before Spinning Out (KPH)
Stock MTB Gearing (32x11T)	~35kph
Upgraded Gearing (48x11T)	~45-50kph

You can Frankenstein it all together, but you’re still driving a tractor in a drag race.

4. Weight: The Elephant in the Room

MTBs are built like tanks. Strong, durable, and heavy. Even the lightest XC mountain bike is still bulkier than a road bike.

You can swap the fork for a rigid one. You can remove bottle cages, lights, and anything unnecessary. But unless you take a hacksaw to the frame, it’s still a heavy beast.

A lightweight road bike weighs around 7-9kg. Your MTB? Easily 11-15kg. That’s extra weight you’re hauling with every pedal stroke.

5. Geometry: The Unchangeable Curse

The biggest reason an MTB will never be a true road bike? Geometry.

• MTBs have slacker angles. Designed for stability on trails, not razor-sharp handling on pavement.
• Bottom brackets are higher. Good for clearing obstacles, bad for road efficiency.
• Chainstays are (potentially) longer. Great for climbing, terrible for sprinting.

You can tweak a lot of things. But unless you have a welding torch and an engineering degree, you can’t change this.

6. The Sunk Cost Fallacy

You’ve already spent money on tires, gearing, aerobars, maybe even a rigid fork. You’re deep in the rabbit hole.

The thought of buying another bike makes your wallet cry.

But here’s the thing: a second-hand road bike costs about the same as all these Frankenstein mods. And it will be better in every way.

7. The Final Realization: Acceptance or Madness?

Somewhere along the way, you’ll hit a breaking point. Maybe it’s getting dropped on a group ride. Maybe it’s realizing your bike still feels sluggish no matter how much you upgrade.

And you’ll have two choices:

1. Accept it. Keep your MTB for what it is. Enjoy riding it for its intended purpose.
2. Sell it. Buy a damn road bike.

If you’ve read this far, I already know which one you’ll pick.

Conclusion

So, what have we learned?

• You can make a mountain bike more road-friendly, but it’s like putting racing slicks on a dump truck.
• Every upgrade gets you closer, but never quite there.
• You’ll eventually realize a second bike makes more sense.

And then, just when you’ve accepted your fate…

You’ll see a roadie bombing down a gravel path on a gravel bike. A sleek, fast machine that eats pavement and dirt alike.

And you’ll think, Damn. Maybe I should’ve just bought one of those instead.