written by Danny G
Look, there’s a dark, quiet corner of the soul where we all hide when we’re not on our bikes.
It’s where we stash our dirty laundry, our bad habits, and our sense of “what’s the point” when the world’s too damn loud and we’re too tired to listen.
Six months ago, I decided to take a break from cycling. Thought I’d catch up on my ‘life’ or whatever people with real jobs do.
What followed was a two-month spiral of bad decisions, worse hygiene, and an existential crisis that only alcohol and Netflix could soothe.
But then, the itch came back. And no, I don’t mean a rash from not showering. I mean the call of the bike.
The sweet, sweet bike that I’d left behind, thinking my body deserved a rest. Turns out, my body didn’t agree. It missed the pain, the sweat, the fact that I was actually doing something. And so, I got back on that damn bike. Here’s what happened after that.
1. I Actually Shower Every Day Now (lol)
I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I’m in the shower every damn day.
When I was off the bike, I didn’t even know what soap was. It wasn’t that I was filthy—okay, maybe I was—but the concept of hygiene became a distant memory.
I hadn’t seen a razor in weeks. Hell, I had a beard that could’ve sheltered a family of squirrels.
But then I went for my first ride and realized: “Damn, I smell like depression and stale beer.” So I showered. And it felt like I was reborn. Clean, shiny, maybe a little too clean. But damn it, I’m back.
| Before Cycling | After Cycling |
|---|---|
| Shower once a week (maybe) | Shower every damn day like a decent human |
| Beard thick enough for a squirrel family | Shaved like I’m ready for a date, or at least a Zoom call |
| Hygiene was optional | Hygiene is now mandatory |
2. I Shaved… Everything
Yeah, I wasn’t just skipping the razor on my face. I had hair everywhere. I looked like a character from a bad 80s horror movie. But once I got back on the bike, it hit me like a ton of wet spandex: if I’m gonna be this sweaty, I can’t be running around like a human jungle.
So, I shaved it all. Chest, legs, arms, even my armpits. It’s like I was reborn as a sleek, aerodynamic machine. A machine with a lot less body hair, and a little more shame about my body issues.
3. I Trimmed My Nails—And It Was Life-Changing
When I wasn’t cycling, I didn’t even know what nail clippers were. My nails were basically miniature weapons of mass destruction.
They could have been used as shanks if I was desperate enough. But now? Now, I trim those bad boys like it’s my damn job. Suddenly, my hands don’t look like they belong to a caveman. And it’s glorious. Every time I look at my freshly manicured hands, I feel like a man who’s got his life together. Or at least his nails.
4. Laundry—I’m Doing It Like a Responsible Adult
You ever just let laundry pile up because you don’t have the energy to do it? Yeah, that was me. Every time I wasn’t on the bike, laundry became my wife’s problem.
But now? Now, after every ride, I toss that sweaty kit into the wash like it’s my sworn duty.
I’m doing the laundry. I’m saving the planet. I’m a goddamn hero. My wife can’t believe it. She looked at me like I had just won the lottery. Who knew a bike ride could turn a lazy slob into a laundry enthusiast?
| Pre-Cycling | Post-Cycling |
|---|---|
| “Honey, can you do the laundry?” | “I just did the laundry, and I’m gonna do it again tomorrow!” |
| Laundry pile as high as my existential dread | A laundry routine that would make my grandmother proud |
5. I Care About Food Now… For the First Time in My Life
Before cycling, food was just something I shoved in my mouth to stop the hunger pains. Pizza, chips, candy, anything that didn’t require cooking. But now? Now, I’m obsessed. I’m checking nutrition labels like I’m some kind of diet guru. I actually care about what I put in my body because, damn it, I need this body to perform. My food choices are now tactical. I’m not just eating to fill the void—I’m eating to get faster. I’m eating to survive the ride. And maybe drop a couple pounds in the process.
6. Goodbye, Alcohol (At Least During the Week)
There was a time when I couldn’t remember the last time I went a day without alcohol. It wasn’t a problem—it was just life. But now? Now, I can’t afford the luxury of a hangover. I have rides to do. I need sleep. And if I’m drunk, I’m not riding. Simple as that. So, I’ve cut down. Not completely, mind you. There’s still that one post-ride beer, but it’s no longer a daily ritual. I’m getting sleep, I’m getting hydrated, and I’m getting faster. Who knew a bike would be my ticket to sobriety?
7. Strava Is My New Twitter
Okay, let’s be real. I never got Strava. I thought it was just a fancy way to brag about your ride times. But now? Now, I check it religiously. I give kudos like a man on a mission. I’m following riders, checking routes, getting ideas for my next ride, and—let’s not forget—checking my own stats. I can’t help it. Strava is the only social media that actually makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. Plus, it’s got all the validation I need. It’s a love-hate relationship, but mostly love.
8. Cycling Is My Therapy
I never knew how much I needed the bike until I got back on it. Before, I was a mess. A stressed-out ball of anxiety and bad habits. But once I started pedaling again, I felt like the clouds parted. I could finally breathe. It’s not just about the exercise—it’s about the mental clarity, the freedom, the escape. When I’m on that bike, nothing else matters. I’m free. It’s like I’m paying for therapy, but I don’t need to talk about my feelings. I just ride.
9. I Was Probably Depressed (And Didn’t Realize It)
Here’s the kicker: when I wasn’t cycling, I wasn’t just lazy—I was depressed. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t even want to leave the couch. The symptoms were all there, but I ignored them. When I got back on the bike, though, it was like a switch flipped. The fog cleared. Suddenly, I was alive again. I wasn’t just riding to lose weight or get stronger—I was riding to feel better. I was riding to survive.
10. Cycling Is the Only Thing Holding Me Together
It hit me like a freight train: cycling isn’t just a hobby. It’s my anchor. It’s what keeps me from completely losing my shit. Without it, I’d be a pile of unshaved, untrimmed, hungover garbage.
But with it? I’m a damn machine. Cycling gives me purpose, structure, and a reason to get out of bed. It’s my escape, my therapy, my motivation to be a better human. Hell, it’s the reason I still wear clean clothes.
So yeah, maybe I’m a little obsessed with cycling. But damn it, it’s given me my life back. It’s given me everything I didn’t know I needed, all wrapped up in tight spandex and a set of wheels.
If you’re not on the bike, what are you doing with your life?
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