
Mountain biking, like life, is a constant reminder that shiny things don’t fix your problems.
You sweat, you bleed, you question your choices—and somewhere in the middle of a 40-degree climb, you realize: all the money in the world won’t turn your legs into pistons or your lungs into bottomless bags of air.
The bike industry knows this. It feeds on your weakness, your lust for something better, shinier, faster.
It sells you dreams disguised as titanium, carbon, and Bluetooth.
Below are 15 upgrades that rookies (and many advanced riders) don’t really need.
1. Wireless Dropper Posts
The salesman says: “No more cables. No more hassle.” You picture clean lines and effortless descents.
What you get is a seatpost that requires more babysitting than a teenager with no curfew.
Batteries die. Connections fail. And there you are, stuck in the middle of nowhere, seat slammed to the ground, cursing technology and the $800 you lit on fire.
2. Eewings Titanium Cranks
These things are the Tom Ford suit of mountain biking. Gorgeous, expensive, completely unnecessary. Sure, they’re strong. Sure, they’re light. But at what cost?
You’re blowing half your paycheck on a part that will do exactly what your aluminum cranks do: transfer power from your legs to your bike. Nobody’s watching your cranks when you’re 20 miles deep in the woods, covered in mud, gasping for air.
3. 12-Speed Drivetrains
Remember when 10 speeds felt like overkill? Now it’s 12. Next year, it’ll be 14.
Why? Because the industry ran out of ways to convince you your perfectly functional drivetrain is obsolete.
The extra gears are finicky, the chain stretches like a cheap rubber band, and the replacement cassette costs more than your first bike.
All for what? An easier granny gear you’ll never use because your pride won’t let you shift that low?
4. High Engagement Hubs
A hundred points of engagement! Instant power transfer! You’ll feel faster, stronger, more connected! Except you won’t.
Your legs are still the same, your climbs are still slow, and that loud angry bee sound coming from your rear hub doesn’t make up for the fact that you’re still getting passed by the guy on the old hardtail with a chain so rusty it might be held together with hope.
5. Carbon Bars
Ah, carbon bars. Light as a whisper, stiff as a corporate handshake. Until you over-tighten your stem bolts by half a turn and the damn thing snaps.
Carbon’s a siren song, and your wallet’s the shipwreck. Aluminum bars may be heavier, but at least they won’t leave you stranded in the dirt, looking like an idiot who thought shaving 50 grams would make a difference.
6. Magnesium Pedals
Magnesium: the lightweight material of the gods, or so they tell you. In reality, it’s the fragile ego of materials. One good smack against a rock and these pedals crumble faster than your resolve after a bad crash.
Composite pedals cost half as much and can take twice the beating. But sure, go ahead. Spend $150 on pedals you’ll cry over the first time you scratch them.
7. Oval Chainrings
“They smooth out your pedal stroke,” they say. “Make climbs easier,” they say. What they don’t say is how weird they feel, how your knees might revolt, and how you’ll eventually admit defeat and switch back to round like a dog crawling back.
8. Wireless Shifting (AXS)
Bluetooth is for headphones, not derailleurs. But here you are, convinced that wireless shifting will somehow transform you into a trail gangster. It won’t. Batteries die. Connections drop. And when you’re stuck in the wrong gear halfway up a climb, you’ll miss the days of simple cable pulls that just worked.
9. Oversized Derailleur Cages
Look at you, with your derailleur cage the size of a dinner plate. It screams “elite,” but all it really does is make your chain slap louder than a bad drummer at band practice. It’s supposed to reduce drag or whatever, but the only thing it’s dragging is your reputation as someone who knows what they’re doing.
10. Suspension Stems
A relic of the 90s, reborn to haunt us all. The suspension stem promises comfort but delivers the handling precision of a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. You want suspension? Get it where it belongs: in your fork and shock.
11. Tioga DH Saddles
Once upon a time, downhill racers swore by these oversized monstrosities. Now, they’re relics. Heavy, uncomfortable, and about as aerodynamic as a cinder block. But hey, maybe you like riding with a saddle that doubles as a medieval torture device.
12. Fancy Grips (RevGrips)
$90 grips with shock-absorbing features. The concept sounds genius, like butter for your hands. The reality? Marginal improvement, if any. Regular grips cost a tenth as much and work just as well. But if you’re the type who buys $8 avocado toast, these might be for you.
13. Heavy Cassettes with Mega Range
A 52-tooth cog might seem like a good idea—until you’re lugging around a cassette that weighs as much as a brick. Most riders don’t need a gear that low. You’re not scaling Everest. You’re climbing hills. Save your money, and your legs.
14. V-Brakes
Nostalgia’s a hell of a drug. V-brakes belong in the museum with other outdated tech. Hydraulic discs are here to stay. If you think otherwise, good luck stopping when you’re barreling downhill at 30 mph.
15. Winged Grips
Winged grips promise ergonomic bliss, a miracle cure for wrist pain. But they make your bike look like it belongs in the nursing home. Effective? Kinda. Cool? Not even close.
The Final Word
The trail doesn’t care about your upgrades. It doesn’t care if your cranks are titanium or if your derailleur has Bluetooth. The trail cares about one thing: can you ride? All the fancy gear in the world won’t save you.
So strip it down. Keep it simple. Ride hard. The rest is just noise.
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